Lacy...

I getting very lazy (or as my fren say 'lacy') to blog nowadays...

I got arrowed to organise my company's Chinese New Year celebration for next year. Big arrow. Anybody got any lobang to help?

Got a sweet Christmas present from Kelly today! Actually I got it last Sunday. But I wasn't home and she passed it to my sister, and my sister only informed me today.

Really SWEET right? Looks kinda girly though. I'm sure it's a "girl" teddy bear cos it got a purple ribbon on its head.

Having a bit of fun with my new Canon IXUS 40, but haven't got much chance to take pictures though. (The teddy bear is the only decent one I have taken)

Think I wun write so much today. Have been staring at computer screen the whole day already.

Canon IXUS 40 is my newest toy!

Heehee... Bought my long desired digital camera today. The Canon IXUS 40! It can even take movie clips! Now I can make my own porn movies! Wahaha, but I'm sure nobody will watch it cos it will only have me and my left hand....

Anywayz, because of the camera, I was late for the movie (again!) with FF today. Thank God FF was not too mad at me. (seemingly appeased by a packet of nachos) Watched Ocean's Twelve this time round. Funny but a bit complicated, and the way they finally stole the item (a large golden egg) was not most clever. Still, its not a bad movie to catch...

FF gave me a nice wallet for Christmas!!! Just what I always wanted for Christmas (excluding the Jimmy Page Signature Guitar) Now I have a wallet again after more than 1 year when I lost it. Heehee... Told FF I got her an Illustrated Edition of The Da Vinci Code. (I had forgotten to bring it) She seemed happy with the gift but I'm not yet convinced...

Almost forgot that today was dear Maximus' birthday except after being reminded by FF (what will I ever do without you babe).

Happy birthday Maxi!!

Still have not gotten a good present for The Cindy... Stressed...

2 weeks of blog

Hi guys... Its been almost 2 weeks since I last blogged (which is like 2 centuries in blog years). Was really really busy for the past couple of weeks. Its literally been like waking up for work, then after work go sleep and next day wake up to work again. Even now - Sunday, Boxing Day - I am on duty in the office. But nobody else is working today so I decide to skive a bit. So I have a lot of catching up to blog. (Will try not to make it too long)

Since last entry, I have bought a new violin. But the problem is, I did not know how to play. Haha... Anywayz, thanks to FF, I managed to get a good 2nd hand violin from Yahoo auction for $200. Now the problem is learning how to play. (The last I touched it, I couldn't even coax a sound out of the thing) I have requested for a Violin for Dummies book for Christmas but too bad I did not get it. At least not yet...

Speaking of Christmas, I really thank God for the break. (Christmas Eve 1/2 day and Christmas itself 1 day) though I think Christmas gets less festive as one grows older. Maybe is the burdens that we had accumulated over the years that worn us out of our joy. Somehow, Christmas was much more magical when we were kids. Then again, it is still the perfect excuse to remind someone you love them, either with a season greeting SMS or a well conceived Christmas gift. Christmas is also the perfect marriage between religion and Consumersim (spelling?), although we all know that Jesus Christ was not born on 25th Dec itself.

Christmas shopping has always been a period of intense stress for me. Cos I always had to find the perfect gift, or at least a gift that is meaningful to the recipient. As of now (one day after Christmas), I still did not find a suitable (birthday cum Christmas) gift for The Cindy. Other than that, I did not do much Christmas shopping. I only got one for FF (which I cannot say what cos I have not passed her the gift), 01 x book for Xenaneres, 01 x handphone cover for Nokia7200 for Jade, 02 x books for Her and 01 x mascara for her twin sister. On the receiving side, I will be receiving a nice wallet from FF, and I got a sweet teddy bear from my sweet tenant (which reminds me, I need to get her something also) and a cute self made fridge magnet from a friend in church.

Wanted to rest at home on Christmas day but it was not meant to be so. Was sort of conned into going for the church Christmas bash at Fort Canning Park last night. Met Her twin sister in the afternoon on the pretext of exchanging Christmas presents (and passing the presents to Her), but turns out that she (the twin sister) did not bring mine. But instead, she pulled me to the church-organized Christmas bash which I had so resisted going. Well, after much aggressive persuasion, I reluctantly agreed to go for the thing. Really, I was not in the mood for parties and would rather have my much needed rest. The up side of the whole thing though, was that I got to see Her again.

This was the 1st time I see Her since that time more than 6 months ago. She still looks very much the same. Except that she was slimmer than when I last saw her. And her hair was much longer and redder now. Other than that, she was pretty much the same dream girl I remembered her to be. Throughout the bash, I sat with her twin sister and was like less than 5 metres away from Her. But I never had the courage to go and talked to her. Instead, it was she who came over and said "hi" (some man I turned out to be). It was a nice feeling, I admit, to be so close to Her after such a long time and catching occasional glimpses at her when she is not looking (the bash was pretty boring anyway)

Can't say I enjoyed much of the bash, except maybe the carolling part - minus all the trigger happy snow sprayers.

On the lighter side of life, I managed to catch Stephen Chow's Kung Fu Hustle on Christmas Eve. IT WAS HILARIOUS!! I have not laughed so much or so hard at any movie since dunno when (Shaolin Soccer maybe?) The best part, IMHO, was when the Landlady and her husband revealed their true identity. HAHA! Too bad though, I missed a good 20 minutes of the beginning of the show. Probably I will catch it again when I have the time, or get the DVD when it is out.

Think I have blogged too much already. That's what happens when I dun update often. Well, that's all for now. Could have written more but I guess I should let my readers rest their eyes after every 15 minutes.

Darkness

Every once in a while, I have this feeling that I am better off dead.

Sometimes, I just feel that nothing I did ever mattered. Nothing at all. Not to my family, not to my friends, not even to myself. The sense of worthlessness is so overwhelming I could hardly breathe. Those times, it is very hard to work. In fact, it is very hard to do anything - I would be very much zombified. I just wish I can cease to exist. I could never really convince myself how can I be of any worth to anybody, and how anybody could accept me for who I am.

Those times, it is better for me not to feel anything. If I cannot feel joy, peace or love, at least I would also not feel any pain, despair or loneliness. Loneliness is the most unbearable feeling; and loneliness and despair very much goes hand in hand for me. It is the basis of Hell. Very much like the solitary cells in prison, where I am given the life sentence without parole. Sometimes it felt worse, like I woke up in a coffin, buried six foot underground a la Kill Bill Vol 2. There is no way to get out, there is nothing I can do and nobody can save me. All I have is an eternity of darkness until I am actually dead.

Those times, I do really feel that I am better off dead.

The eye of my heart sees nothing but darkness. Endless, pitch-black darkness. Light sometimes glides pass me, almost elusively, in the form of caring friends or beautiful music. Sometimes, but rarely, in random acts of kindness. But most of the time, my heart searches blindly for that light. With no guidance or even a clue, I can only grope along slowly for any hint of a ray of Hope, just so much as to keep me alive.

And where is this Saviour that I am suppose to know? And why hasn't He called upon the Light to shine through my darkened world? He is suppose to be near me, by my side - He says He is - but why have I not seen Him, felt Him or even touch Him? In my own blinded world, I stretched my hands out fully, frantically searching for The One who can pull me out from this darkness, if only to grab hold to His shirt. But why can't I find Him? Where is He? How long more must I continue to search? And why hasn't He responded to my cry for help?

I pray He would just reach out and grab my hand. I have heard rumors of that kind of things happening, you know - to cross over from the Darkness to the Eternal Morning. Just wish that it will happen to me soon. That is my only hope

Too Tired

Sigh... Another long day for me. Decided to run away from work after 8. But am really tired. No mood to read all my fren's blog even.

Skipped dinner again... Hope that helps keep the fat away from my tummy....

Christmas is coming... will come up with a wishlist soon... so keep your eyes focus in here!!!

Monday Blues

What a day...

Went through the whole of this day with a bad headache. Think its the withdrawal symptoms after coming back to work from a long break. Actually, not so long. But I was welcomed with shitload of work (1230AM now and I just finished them) and 70 minus 1 emails.

Missed my dinner cos I never bring any money to work... Now I'm thinking should I take my bath before I go to sleep... So so so tired...

Hope tomorrow will be better...

Fat Update 3

Sigh... It's that time of the week again, time for another Fat Update (1) (2) again.

1. Thou shall run at least 5km 3 times per week - failed
2. Thou shall swim at least 2 times per week - failed
3. Thou shall go to gym at least 3 times per week - failed
4. Thou shall not eat more than 3 meals a day - failed
5. Thou shall not eat anymore ice-cream - failed
6. Thou shall not eat anymore chocolate - failed
7. Thou shall not eat anymore oily and fattening food - failed
8. Thou shall not eat anymore fast food - failed
9. Thou shall not sit on butt all day - failed
10. Thou shall not eat anymore junk food - failed

This is unpossible. I give up. Tomorrow, I will buy a bottle of Extrim.

Tomorrow is back to work for me. After 1 week of leave, its quite dreadful to have to go back to work. It's the kind of feeling like when I was a kid, dreading the end of the school holidays. I thought I had seen the last of those feelings, well, guess I'll have to think again.

Fabulous Feline

Couple of weeks back, I did an an entry on The Cindy. Today I am going to do a blog on FF, aka Finicky Feline.

FF was in the same Orientation Group as The Cindy. When I first saw her, she was a quiet little girl - or at least she seemed to be so. She refused to participate in any of the games that was played during orientation. Rather, she sat at the corner all by herself, reading her story book. Come to think of it now, I think the only reason she stuck with the group was that she could follow us around and know the campus environment better.

First impression - A sweet, quiet, fair and pretty girl.

Truth - Everything but.

Ok, FF was (and still is) a very pretty girl. (I still maintain that she looks like the lead actress in My Sassy Girl, Jeon Ji-hyun - I cannot believe my eyes the first time I saw the movie!) And her skin is so fair that she makes Nicole Kidman looks like an African American. But she is also the wildest girl I know listed in my little black book.

I still remember the very first thing she said to me 5 years ago: "Do you smoke?" Thats when I know it was love at first sight. Haha

Seriously, I spent so much time with her initially that all my classmates thought she's my girlfriend. Haha. She came from Penang, Malaysia and I knew she had a hard time living alone in Singapore, so I spent much of my resources making her as comfortable as possible. I remember checking up on her anytime I could at her hostel. Usually we end up playing Dai Di more than anything. Haha. And I still remember everytime I popped over, she will make me wait outside her room for 5 minutes cos her room was in a mess and she needs tidy up the place before she could let me in.

My favourite memory with her is when she and her room-mate (also another pretty-as-fairy babe) cooked up a sumptuous dinner for the 3 of us at her hostel. Can't really remember what we ate though, (was it spagatti?) but I remembered the vegetables were not bad.

And there was this small black Zippo lighter she gave me for my 23rd birthday. That is one treasure I will never leave home without.

What I really like about FF is that she's a straight forward girl. If she doesn't like you, she will tell you straight in your face (in a diplomatic way, of course) She doesn't play games with you and she doesn't pretend to be nice when she isn't.

And the best part? She's currently single and available! So guys, what are you waiting for?

FF Lookalike

Long Day and Night

Yesterday, was a loong day for me. (Read: It will be a loong blog) So I will be blogging in the sequence of events.

1. Met up with my Primary School bestest buddy for lunch. I think I haven't met him since 5? years ago. Had a good time of catching up, after which he introduced me to the world of MLM (Multi Level Marketing). He was representing a company called USANA, which turns out to be one of the best company in the in the network marketing world. And it is suppose to have the best supplemental products available. Seriously, the presentation was not bad - he had me convinced. Too bad I was not the into sales type of person, nor have I the money for additional health products. Probably will get from him if ever I had the need. Anyway, anybody interested for some health supplement products or going for extra income can let me know, I will link you up with him.

2. Spend the rest of the afternoon shopping for a green shirt for my Dinner n' Dance later in the evening (more of that later) Really, it is very hard to find a green shirt. Maybe I was not looking in the correct places, but I can hardly see any garment that is remotely green for the past 2 days. Finally, I managed to find one for 80 Singapore dollars. Seriously, I am not ever going to pay 80 bucks for a wear-for-1-night-and-then-never-going-to-touch-it-again shirt. In the end, I gave up and decided not to follow the dress code dictated in the invitation card.

3. Also had a meeting with my financial planner before the D&D. She said that my insurance plans are inadequate (dun they always?) and I need to re-adjust my policy plans a bit. She's the expert - she's really very good at her work - so I just did what she said. Anyway, I did not have to pay anymore than I am paying now, so I let her do all the adjustment she wants. Basically, she decide how much I should save and invest my money. Yes, I really trust her that much.

This is where the bitching starts...

4. The highlight of the day: My Formation's (aka my company) Annual Dinner and Dance. Told Dad I need to borrow the car in the evening and he said "ok, will be back by 6plus". Come 7pm and Dad is still not back yet. Called him and found out that he had forgotten about it. Argh! He finally reached home at 7.25pm for me to take the car and sped off. Guests are suppose to be seated by 7.30. Traffic jam at Orchard Road. Argh! I am going to be soo late. My friends kept calling me to find out whether I have reached. Argh! Finally reached Hotel Furama at 7.50pm. Argh! Waited 10 minutes outside the carkpark to find out that it is full. Argh! Had to make a round to the opposite building to park at the public carpark. Argh!

Finally, the Arghing stopped. I reached the ballroom at 8.15 and found my seat. Thank God I arrived earlier than the 2-Star-General-VIP. Turns out nobody followed the "green dress code" anyway. Dinner was boring, to say the least. The MCs were not very fun and the games they play were all... well... nothing new. (I could never understand why the guys always like to play "come lets dress up as transvestites" every single chance they get) On the up side, door gift was decent - a cool looking, black coloured toiletries carrier. Food was the usual stuff, except the dessert - the tiramisu was heeaven. The lucky draw had some cool prizes too (X-box + home theatre systems and stuff) but too bad I din win any.

5. Dinner ended about midnight. After that the guys went to Mohd Sultan Rd for Charlie Mike (that's army talk for Continue Mission, or in this case, continue to party) Din really want to go but it was for one of the guy's birthday, so I was very much obliged to. That's when I regretted not bringing a date for my D&D, just so that I can use her as an excuse to escape. Anyway, that was the first time I ever stepped into the pubbing kingdom of Singapore. Yes, I was a sua ku (country pumpkin) when it comes to this type of thing.

First we went to Mdm Wong's but half the guys from our group were not even 21 (minimum age is 23 there) so we could not get in. Next we proceeded to Dbl O where the age limit is lower. Then we realised one of the girls (the birthday boy's girlfriend) was not even 18. But that was after most of us have paid and went into the joint. (Very shrewd of the girl at the door, I must say) So at the end of the day, the Birthday Boy and Girlfriend were left outside while the rest of us went in. Weird isn't it? We were supposed to celebrate this guy's birthday but in the end we left him out to enjoy ourselves instead. Not very happy with the way things turned out, but my boss was there also, so I never said anything.

My first time in Dbl O. (or any pub for that matter) Loud, crowded and dark. I immediately decided that that was not my kind of place - I prefer to deafen my ears alone, in a bright sunny place. Anyway, the first song I heard when I went in was a House remix version of "Welcome to the Jungle". WTF!?! I mean the Hard Rocking song of Guns & Roses played in House music? The God of Rock will not be please. The place reminds me of another song though. "Smoke gets in Your Eyes". Not that they play the House version of that but rather a lot of smoke got into my eyes in that place. Spent 2 hours there listening to endless rhythm of drumbeats and watching my friends play drinking games, and catching occasional glimpses of scantily claded women parading the dark dance floor. Yawn... At least I had my fantasy world to fall back on...

Left the place close to 2am. The rest of the guys oblivious...

Note: Advert for my friend: Hand bags for sale!! All new and unused!

National Treasure

Me and FF went to watch National Treasure today. FF came down from her interview her business suit. I think FF looks very beautiful in a business suit. We broke our tradition (and my 10 Commandments) of Mac dinners and went for MOS Burger instead. And we went on bitching about our lives as usual.

Note: Salmon rice burger at MOS burger is NOT that great.

Din manage to get good seats except the very first row of the cinema. I do not understand why Shaw decided to put the opening movie in the miserable Lido 4 instead of Lido 1, 2 or even Classic. National Treasure is not a bad movie really. Although I'm inclined to think that somebody who understand American history would enjoyed it more. Or are all those "facts" that they talked about actually made up in the movie? I frankly have "deer-with-no-eyes".

Nevertheless, it was an entertaining movie with an interesting storyline. Had an aching back after the show, but it was well worth it. Should watch it if you are free.

Money Money Money

For those who know me, they would know that money has never been a problem for me. Sure, there are a lot of times when I dun have enough to get everything I want, but still, I was never in need. I come from a upper middle class family and I earned a fairly decent income myself. So I never actually know what is it like to be poor.

Money. I hate money. But more that that, I hate my dependence on it. A large part of my life is devoted to just making money, just so that I can buy the things I want to buy and do the things I want to do. The fact is, I cannot function apart from money. Take away all my money and I will not be able to survive.

Everybody needs money, dun we? Unless we can relearn all the skills of our Jurassic forefathers - and give up luxuries like telecommunication, air-conditioning and processed food - we will always be dependent on money. But I get really uncomfortable when people over-emphasize the importance of money in their life. You know, the type of person who believes money is everything. There is a song writer who describe that person like this:

There's a lady who's sure
All that glitters is gold
And she's buying a stairway to heaven
- Stairway to Heaven, Led Zeppelin

That kind of people really gets to me. I feel like taking whatever money I have in my pocket and throw it in their face. - I have learnt that money can be the ultimate weapon of insult. Haha. The greater the amount that you throw, the more the insult, but if you only got some spare change, it will work just as well, just add "That's is all you're worth!" after of it. (Oh ya, if you want to leave a comment to ask me to throw money at you, f**k off - I am not amused) On the other hand, I also feel sorry for those who think that their security and happiness lies solely in their wealth, for they will be very disappointed at the end of it. And the sad thing is they will not realize it until the very end of it.

What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul?

My financial planner often appalled at the way I throw away my money. I treat this guy to this, I lend this amount to him (with no interest, mind you). I would be what she would call carelessly generous. I have so little regard for the value of money itself that I am sure all Mammon worshippers would readily declare me as a pagan, a sinner or even the Evil One himself. Seriously, most of my friends would know how easy I am with my money. My principle for using my money is very simple:

I tell you, use worldly wealth to gain friends for yourselves, so that when it is gone, you will be welcomed into eternal dwellings. - Luke 16:9

Haha. Many people did not know that this verse was even in the Bible (one of my friends even thought I was lying when I quoted this verse) but that is how I govern the spending of my stash. (If you want to comment that you want to be my friend after reading this, again I say, f**k off.) If money really can buy happiness, then that is the way I would buy it.

Money continues to have its power over me. I cannot escape or be free as long as I am in this body. I can only reduce its hold over me, by giving it away freely, I de-value the importance of money in my life. At the end of the day, the sad fact is that I cannot run away from money, or my dependence on it. I can only be less controlled by it and hopefully one day, not be controlled by it at all.

Hmm... after so many F Us... Think nobody will dare to comment on my blog anymore... Haha

Her again

Sorry it's going to be another one of those Her (1) (2) post again.

This time, she sms-ed me. Actually it was yesterday afternoon. I was waiting for my majhong kahkis to arrive at my friend's house when she sms-ed me. It was one of those Fw: kind of things but still, my heart skipped a beat when I saw her name in my inbox.

Usually, I did not reply any of the sms-ed, mainly cos I din know what to say to her. But this time I did. And we managed to have a little conversation. Exchanged 5 smses in all. WAHAHAHA. But seriously, it meant a lot to me. I have not talked to her since that time...

And I haven't met her since that time also. But I got an update about her from a friend a couple of days back... Heard she is as pretty as ever... Sigh... I wonder when I ready to see her again?

Lost big time at majhong yesterday. Not my worst game lah, but not my best either. But luck was seriously NOT with me... But still, it was part of the game... Those who want to learn can approach me... Will only charge a minimal school fee... Wahaha...

On leave

Ladies and gentlemen, I am happy to announce that this week I am clearing my aunnal leave. So if anybody wants to look me up, feel free to do so. Will be staying at home and play my guitar mostly but I also want to meet up with some of the people I haven't seen in a while... So anybody seen this blog and is free anytime, Gimme a call ok?

X'mas is coming! Haha.. But usually I dun get any presents from anybody (HINT HINT!!!) Actually I'm more excited about payday.. Now I going only like 30bucks left in my bank... After that I can start shoping again... Wahaha...

Added: Here's a Christmas song to get you in the festive mood!! Heehee.. Hope you enjoyed it. More to come...

Faggot Loves Me

It started last Saturday at work. I was in my office when I received an sms from an unknown number. The message is simply

What?

Thinking that the number belongs to someone that has just change his/ her number, I replied,

Sorry, who is this?

Instead of answering my question, he started asking me a series of questions, like Who are you? What is your name? and a lot of other stuff that I cannot remember. I played along, thinking that someone was playing a bo liao practical joke on me.

Finally he asked me if I wanted "her" as my girlfriend. Weird. First he talked to me like he is some gangster, demanding to know things about me, next he becomes a "girl" and ask if "she" can be my girlfriend.

Some things she claimed about her:

Her name is Melissa, She is 23 years old, She lives in Yishun

Din bother to reply at first, but she was really persistent. She called and called and called; smsed and smsed and smsed. So finally today I answered her call.

Damn! She sounds like a f@cking faggot!

She asked me to meet her for lunch and some other stuff but I told her I was not free. And after a while she hung up, but not it was long before she smsed back with the 3 magic words.

I LOVE U

Argghh!!!! I replied her not to love me but I dun think she got the "hint"

Was writing this blog when she start sms-ing me again....

Argghh!! God help me!! Arrghhhh!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Birthday Meimei!!

Today is the 10th birthday of my beloved little sister!!!

HAPPY BITHDAY MEI!!!

The little girl threw a little birthday party at Swensen's Toa Payoh and invited her friends along. Turns out only her Tuition teacher, Swimming Coach, Ex- Baby Sitter and God mother came. Her bestest friends from school went for holiday and cannot make it for the party.

Anyway, the important thing is that she had a good time and I think she did. The most important to her there is her ex baby sitter, Marlin. Marlin took care of my little sis from the day she was born until she was like 3 or 4 years old and my sis have a very strong bond with her, even until now. So strong, in fact, that my sis will cry after everytime she visits....

Thats a pictue of my sister and Marlin

Ate like a starved pig at Swensen's. Fried Chicken and ice-cream and all. Thats why I failed all my commandments this week. But for my little sis, its worth it. I bought her the whole series of The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis cos she like to read. But turns out her favourite present is This Winnie the Pooh soft toy with a strawberry! Cos it was given by Marlin!

Her favourite toy!!

Fat Update 2

Its time for my weekly Fat Update again.

1. Thou shall run at least 5km 3 times per week - failed
2. Thou shall swim at least 2 times per week - failed
3. Thou shall go to gym at least 3 times per week - failed
4. Thou shall not eat more than 3 meals a day - passed
5. Thou shall not eat anymore ice-cream - failed
6. Thou shall not eat anymore chocolate - failed
7. Thou shall not eat anymore oily and fattening food - failed
8. Thou shall not eat anymore fast food - failed
9. Thou shall not sit on butt all day - passed
10. Thou shall not eat anymore junk food *changed* - failed

Looks like it is getting from bad to worse. But really, Work this week is so tough I have little time for anything else. So I really can't meet the standards set. Then again, I have no excuse for eating all the stuff I am not suppose to eat.

So the moral of the story? I only have myself to blame if I dun lose any weight. Will have to try harder next week. Hopefully I can give a better report card next Sunday. Oh ya, In case you did not notice, I changed the last commandment. Finally thought of something sensible to fill in the last one.

Another New Addition

Ladies and Gentlemen,

New addition to my link:

The Sweet, Cute, Pretty, Fair and Sexy Melissa!

She's my tenant from Indonesia. Very sweet and nice girl.

Guys, what are you waiting for? Take a number!!

If I die tomorrow...

"Nothing in life is certain except death and taxes" -- Benjamin Franklin

To that, somebody replied "There is always death and taxes; however, death doesn't get worse every year." -- Unknown

Everyone of us will die. I am sure of it. I will die, just that I dunno when. Maybe 50 years from now, maybe 10. Maybe I will die next month or next week.

Or tomorrow. Who knows?

If I die the very next moment, please ask my parents not to give a Buddhist or Taoist funeral. Kindly remind them to give me a Christian funeral. They should know, but just to be sure. Feel free to cremate my body. I dun think it will hurt anymore. And I dun want to take up any space in our land-precious country. (I think if I was buried, I would be dug out sooner or later anyway.)

All my monetary assets goes to my little brother. He wants to be a businessman, so the extra cash will be very useful to him. My TV, Hi-fi, DVD player, PC and all that shit goes to him also. My guitars and my piano will go to my little sister. She's got some interest in music and I hope that she will develop it further. My Christian books and Bibles and stuff, my friends and the church can have it - dun think anybody in the house will want those things. For my parents? I think those few hundred thousands from my insurance coverage should be enough for them. I suppose photographs and stuff can keep around the house; but as for all the toys and souvenirs that I bought, I think those can be thrown away.

If anybody wants anything from me, in remembrance or otherwise, please let me know early. Or at least before I really die.

The people I will really miss:

My little sister. Definitely the top of the list. Watched her grow from a little baby to the fine young lady that she is now. Always bring a smile to my face, she's my little pride and joy. Hope that she will grow up to be a wonderful woman.

The rest of the family. My brother, my father and my mother. Not the closest people in my life, but they are, nevertheless, my family. And a very large part of my life and who I am. Hope my brother will have a better shot at life than I did, and he will make it in all the things he does. I might as well take this chance to say this (I might not have another chance to say it if I dun say it now): "Mom, Dad, thanks for bringing me up and everything. I know you have given your all. And I am sorry for all the heartaches I have given you."

My close friends and buddies. Debbie, Cindy, Sharon. You girls are like my bestest friends. You have always been there for me when I am down, depressed or lonely. Thanks for the time and effort that you have put into our friendship. I pray that I can meet you all in Heaven in the further, even if it means I have to wait another 80 years. On the guys department, I have Jinlong, Ben, Junsong, Desmond and Kelvin. I have little guy friends (as you guys should already know) so you are really great guys on my lists. Thanks for your friendship also.

And of course, Her.

And special thanks to my spiritual mentor, Mr. Bernard. He taught me everything I ever know about God.

"Dying is our most important act, for which life is a long journey of preparation." -- Henri Nouwen

Am I ready to die? Actually I am not. Do I fear death? Absolutely. Will I die? Of course. Just that I dunno when. But I hope I will be ready when the time comes.

BTW, a lot of the people I mention never read my blog, so when the need arises, please inform them of this entry.

Weird old men

Wanted to blog this yesterday, but blogger was down.

Met a really weird old man on the way home yesterday. Was on the way home after work when I board bus 13. Was lazy to bring an extra set of Civi (civilian clothes) and thus, I went home in my full army uniform. The bus I board was quite empty but I was unlucky enough to sit beside this er... interesting old man.

The mintue I sat down he started talking to me. In fact, I did not realise he was talking to me until 3 minutes later. Cause I had my ear phones on and I was listening to my favourite Hebe singing. Apparently he was not very bothered that I did not notice him. But the minute he caught my attention... Damn!

He just kept talking and talking and talking.

I would feel bad if I had left the seat and moved to another, so I sat there and pretended to listen. For whole 20minutes! Albert Enstein would tell you that 20 minutes is a freaking loooooong time to endure if you did not enjoy the situation. I just sat there a allowed him to talked. Partly I am not comfortable talking to strangers and partly because I cannot understand what he said. (due to the ear phones in my head and that he is speaking in rapid Hokkien)

Apparently He did not mind talking to a mute. I almost felt sorry for him. Guess he doesn't have that many people to talk to. And he was pretty friendly. Just felt kinda bad I could hold a decent conversation with him.

I was never comfortable with old men, especially funny old men. Maybe it was the idea that someday when I grow old, I would become exactly like them... That's why I try not to be mean with with them whenever I meet them.

But then again, its not so easy.

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Sly lost yesterday, much to the dismay of my good friend FF, and much to the joy and celebration of all the guys in my office. Personally, I felt that his appeal to teenage (and not so teenaged) girls made the guys jealous and thus, all the guys made sure they out-vote their girlfriends. Resulting in the victory celebration for Taufik supporters.

Sad to say, the turn of events after that were pretty much unfair to Taufik. Proves that the world still goes for popular appeal after all.

BTW, I'm a Taufik supporter, though I never watch SI and less voted for him.