24 hrs later...

This is the 1st day after I knew that She is getting attached. 24hrs after, in fact.

The nights are hardest to endure. Day time is still bearable cos there are things which I have to focus my attention on. At night, there is nothing to distract me. In my mind is only her, her, her. Memories of how I 1st met her and all the things we did together and everything we said to each other all comes to my mind.

The aching in my heart is unbearable.

Oh God! Why does it have to be like this? Why do I have to go through this pain again and again? What do I have to do to have this pain taken away? When will it end?

What are the chances of me finding happiness again? I really dunno. Tell you guys something funny - I have given up all hope for finding it. I have come to believe that there will never be another girl for me. And that I will be lonely all my life.

I know what you guys are thinking: This guy will be alright after a couple of weeks. Well, I seriously am not sure.

I believe in Neverland

Was supposed to have a long weekend. But ended up doing a lot more things instead.

Friday was an off day and I spent it playing mahjong with my khakis. Ended up losing $200. Not too bad cos I won $200 last month. So that sort of evens it out. Saturday I was on duty. Actually I almost forgot about it, but thank God Friday's DO called and reminded me. For other stuff I did on Sat, check out my previous post. =)

FF wrote something in her blog yesterday which really hurt my feelings. But she called immediately after I left my comment "I dunno what to say except that this is a very hurting post to read" so I forgave her shortly after that. No big issue really.

Today, Sunday, was also a packed day. Reached home from my camp at about 9am and rested until about 1pm when I went out to meet FF for a movie. Could not find a nice time slot for a nice movie so we settled for Finding Neverland. (Not something in priority that I wanted to watch) Turns out it was a wonderful movie. Very touching and heart warming. I remembered the 1st time I watched the Peter Pan cartoon. Almost cried when Peter Pan asked all the children to believe in fairies so as to revive the dying Tinkerbell.

After that I went for my dinner appointment with an old friend. Turns out that some of our common friends are invited as well. The problem is that those "common friends" are some people which I had deliberately not want to meet for a long time. And BOY! was it awkward at 1st. But luckily I managed to survived the meeting quite comfortably. Went to this Japanese Curry restaurant near City Hall mrt. 1st time I tasted Japanese curry. Not bad.

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Minutes ago, my world came tumbling down. A friend told me that She is getting attached soon.

I am so sad I can die right now.

Doing Duty on Sat Night

Its me again... Saving the world from another weekend duty...

I like doing weekend duties because there is really nothing much to do and you can watch TV or sleep all day. Of course, this is not exactly the best way to spend a good'o Saturtday night. At least there is a computer with internet connection and I can do my blogging. Then again, that's what I do for most of my Sat nights normally. LOL

Smsed Her again today. Actually, since after the Christmas thingy, I have been keeping contact with Her again. Usually through a sms or 2 per week. Usually chat about how our days were that time or stuff like that.

Today, she mentioned that her guitar strings needs to be changed.

"Almost all need to change liao. Very long never change string. U help us change?"

Of course I will be happy to help her change her guitar strings. This means that I can see her again, some time next week, when both she and her twin sister are free. Hopefully this time I see her, the awarkardness that was present in our previous meeting will be gone and we can talk to each other like last time again.

Sigh, dunno if I can ever be with her, but definitely I will continue to wait.

Saw a blog from ningx. Reading her latest post sruck a chord in my heart cause I had experienced the same thing when I was a kid (except mine was in seconadry school). Furthur reading makes me feel that she and I was very alike when I was younger. Think she will be a regular read from now on.

Hmm, just realised there are some additional comments to the old posts that I did some time ago, even the ones that were a few months back. Thanks for your support guys!

Good Eye Dear...

Today marks the 6 months anniversary... since my LASIK operation!!

Yes, For 6 months, I have perfect eyesight. And the best part? It's Free!!!! It's paid for by SAF. Heehee, there are good benefits for joining the organisation, you know? Well, the story is this...

About 6 months ago, there is this research department of the SAF which is doing this study- whether there is a difference in the marksmanship ability of a soldier if he is wearing glasses as compared to if he has perfect eyesight. So they got a total of about 200 people from various department of the SAF and got them to help in this study. In a nutshell, what we have to do is this: go for a marksmanship test, go for the LASIK operation, and 6 months later, go for another marksmanship test to see if there is any difference. And because this is a test conducted by the SAF, The LASIK operation is FREE!!!!

I say again... FREE!!!!

I must say that I am very lucky to be able to get into this study and I must thank my Lord Jesus Christ for it. For I am the very last guy to get into this study. If I had called one day later, I would have missed it. And I almost did not meet the requirements to join it. The cut off for the degree of myopia is 500, and mine is slightly above 500. So everyday I thank God for this gift of new eyes...

However, I must say, the 1st few days after the operation was F*CKING PAINFUL for my eyes. But of course, it was all worth it. Now I got perfect eyesight!

BTW, for the marksmanship test, before operation I got 42/44, after operation I got 41/44... So... looks like the theory is wrong... But who cares? I got perfect eyesight!! And its FREE!!!!

Sick Day #3

Went to work today and reported sick... Heehee. But Stupid Doctor never give me MC, instead gave me normal duites. Wahaha. No lah, actually he is a good Doctor... and he's my friend. He just gave me tons of medicine and ask me to go and rest. Officers no need MC wan... Wahaha

Took the day off after lunch and went back. But instead of going home to rest, I went to play mahjong instead. Wahaha. Bad eye deer cos the medicine made me so drowsy I can hardly think straight. Lost close to $200 by the end of second round. Thank God won back in the third round... In the end lost $10 only.

I am such a mahjong addict. I rather play mahjong than go home and rest when I am sick. Can play until no need to eat or sleep wan. Think I will die playing mahjong. Wahaha.. Whereas my boss is a toy (how to do the strike-off-word thingy?), I mean action figure addict. He got an army of those things at home and in the office.

The medicine is making me drowsy again... Sorry if I am not writing sense...

Going to KO liao...

Still Sick

Woke up at 6 am to go to work... But turns out that I'm too sick to get up, so I smsed my boss that I will be taking MC instead.

Spend the day sleeping and doing little else. Really can't remember the last time I felt this sick. Maybe during my NUS time? or maybe earlier...

Thank God for this invention called Panodol.

One good thing out of this? I still can keep my little beard for another day!

4 days of Pulau TK

Finally, I'm back from my 4 day and night trip to Pulau T.K Resort Island. (I cannot spell T.K because of its security issues and I will be showing some pictures of it here.) Situated to the East of Singapore, Pulau T.K is where many of the Singaporean men went to learn to become a man for the next two years of their life. (Or some people say: To waste two years of their life)

Actually, I was back since last night. But I was too tired and sick to write anything. The feverish sore throat thingy I have talked about earlier this week have developed into full blown influenza. *cough cough*

Had a tough but fun time at Pulau T.K, training the kids and bringing them around the Island. For the uninitiated, this is a picture of what it looks like:

Sweet place right? Haha, I can hear the guys groaning already. You get nothing but hot sun and mosquito bites everyday. And the nights are so freezingly cold that you can hardly sleep.

But seriously, in Pulau T.K, you get to experience the serenity of Nature which is so sorely lacking in our daily city life. Take for example this sun raise:

How often do we get to see such beauty in the everyday of our lives? And not forgetting the awe-inspiring stars that appear in the night? (Too bad my Ixus 40 could not capture the stars in the sky) How often are we able to see anything more than 10 stars above our sky?

Of course, during the 4 days there, we had our share of fun also. Check this out:

I call it "60 pieces of Prata plus Pepsi Blue on a Spinal Board" Haha. But that is a privilege that belongs only to the instructors.

But the best part of the training? Is to see the kids complete all the missions and pass out from the course. Of course.

Ready to Strike! Guardsman!

Heehee, I know what you guys are saying:

The fever has gone into Guojun's head.

Sick Day

Think I had never felt so sick for a long time.

Feverish, Diarrhea, Sore Throat. Think these are only signs of the beginning. Hope I can survive until the end of the week.

Tomorrow going out field for the rest of the week again.

God bless me please.

Yawnz...

Dog tired...

Weekend has come to an end again. Next week will be the last of my tough weeks. (x cross fingers x) Hopefully, after this week can have a little break. Then again, from where I come from, that is highly unlikely...

"Always expect the unexpected!"

Thats the motto of my company (aka Brigade)

Went to watch The Aviator with Jade this afternoon. (Initially wanted to watch Alfie by recommendation of Nadir, but could not get the suitable timeslot.)

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Suddenly became lazy to continue writing the blog. Think I will go bath and sleep instead.

Oh ya, came across this blog by Cassandra. Think she was from some Miss Singapore pageant or something last year. Lots of pictures.

Eye Candy til you get diabetes.

Caught sleeping!!

Found this picture in my boss's computer the other day....

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I got caught sleeping!! (and developing a double chin!!)

The Captain (guy with 3 black bars on his shoulder) is my boss (aka OC). Sometimes I think he has a evil sense of humour. The rest of the guys are my buddies in the camp. Also very evil.

My OC never give me extra or what, but this embaressing picture is bad enough...

Dunno want to laugh or cry...

Boulevard Of Broken Dreams

As if the radio is not playing this song enough already, I have been listening to The Boulevard Of Broken Dreams for the infiniteteen times on my Winamp since last night.

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I'm the only one and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah,
Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone

Read between the lines
What's fucked up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone

Oops, I've got a bad word in my blog.

Other Permanent Residents in my songlist include Bing Yu (Icy Rain) - Andy Lau, Happy Ending - Avril Lavigne and Stairway To Heaven - Led Zeppelin.

I think I have a fetish for sad or depressing songs. (Songs of celebration rarely have an effect on me.) The lyrics and melodies of these cheerless songs fully echo the rhythm of my heartbeat, and it is in this sense of affinity that I can find some solitude and comfort.

Anybody with me?

Star gazing at LCK.

Finally, back from my 3 days outfield exercise at LCK.

No time to bath and little time to sleep. Ate dust like a fish drink water. Tiring no doubt, but had some fun also. The main one being I was able to see the most number of stars in Singapore in my entire life. Seriously.

I never actually went to count them but I think there is easily a hundred stars out there. Was quite disappointed though, that I cannot get my *IXUS 40 to make digital memories of this rare experience. There was the Orion (which was always visible in a clear night of Singapore), The Taurus (which marks my first encounter with this V-shaped constellation), The Whitest Star (as I was told) and many others which I am not able to name. Was kept awake almost throughout the night so had a good time goggling at the best celestial view (IMHO) found in Singapore.

The other time I encountered such grand vision was I was training in Taiwan (aka ROC) in 1998. I was walking through the mountainous terrain of Taiwan for one whole day until late into the night. Me and my team mates were in this mountain top where there was no living soul within the 5km radius of us. So there was not artificial light from the earth to blind us from viewing the bright celestial beings.

Again, I did not have any tools to help me immortalize this wonderful vision. Indeed, it was the most wonderful vision I have ever seen. The stars were countless.

For the next 15minutes, time stopped forever.

* Which reminds me, I still owe Cindy a birthday/ Christmas/ New Year present

Meaningless blog...

Going on a 3 day exercise tomorrow.

Hopefully can lost some weight... Will be losing sleep again.

Anywayz... Dunno what to blog liao... Too tired to think... Wahaha

Always make you all read meaningless blogs like these...

Whiney Whiney...

Today is one of those I-Am-So-Sian-I-Hate-My-Work day.

Work just keep coming and coming and coming... From the looks of things, it will be like this for the next 2 weeks... *Help lah.... And with more work, there's more chances of making mistakes... especially being made to work such long hours on such high stress... Think I have low tolerance for stress...

Will stop whining and blog some happy things instead.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Behold! My guitar collection!

1st up is my acoustic guitars...

Next is my electric guitars...

Well, actually two belongs to my friend who left it at my place. But still... looks good right? Will blog more about my babies individually later....

Really very tired liao...

Weekend duty

As a protector of the Nation, the most mundane part of my job has to be the regimental duty I have to perform every month. (This month is 2 cos half of my comrades went up to Aceh, Indonesia to save the world) Usually I chose to do weekend duty cos 1. To save the world (from 1 less weekend duty), and 2. There is less tasks to do when doing duty on weekend. Anyway, me is The-One-Without-a-Life so weekend duty suits me just fine.

Except today, cos I have to use this weekend to catch up with the never-ending work of the week (thats right, right now I'm skiving again). On the bright side, tomorrow is pay day. So that would be a morale booster.

Note: Star Wars Ep 3 coming out in May this year.

Note again: Who cares?

Went to the Aunnal Military Christian Fellowship (MCF) Thanksgiving Dinner yesterday at Temasek Club. Had to go alone cos most of my friends who were suppose to go had gone up to Aceh to save the world already. I went, I confess, was partly because of a chance to collect back the money that somebody had owe me. Which is good cos half way through the dinner, this friend of mine passed me a check, no doubt to return the money he had owed me since... well... a long time. However, to my horror, the check on has $200 in it. Meaning to say, my friend only returned me $200 this time round.

200 out of 23,000... well, its a start.

Okok, actually I do care about Ep3 coming out this May. So dun leave evil comments in my blog k?

WAIT! NO! LEAVE COMMENTS IN MY BLOG! ANY COMMENTS ALSO CAN! PLEASE??!!!!


Back to work... Sianz....

Kinda sad reading the comments on Xiaxue's blog for the past few days. Basically her last 2 posts were her laments of certain Christians that have affected her life negatively. And that unleashed an unprecedented amount of comments against Christians and our faith in general.

I myself felt a strong urge to retaliate the abuse thrown against us. But then I know the arguments will never end. And even if I am able to counter all the accusations thrown at us (which I highly doubt I am able), Nothing is gained except an acceptance of our belief at a mental level. In their hearts, they will still not be able to understand the love of God or what He has done for us.

I can only pray that God, in His grace, mercy and pleasure, heal the hearts of the people that have been hurt by us and open their hearts to His love.

I think many of the comments there have a point. And that is we as followers of Christ are such terrible representation of His love.

God, we are sorry. Please help us be a better ambassador for You.

Hit me!!

My counter just past the 3,000 mark yesterday. That means I have 3000 hits on my web page since I first started. Quite proud of myself.

That is, until I saw FF's blog and she have like 20,000 hits already! Whoa! She is so good. (Chinese says "small house see big house") And Xiaxue got like 170,000! I've got a lot to learn from them...

Any idea how to increase my hits?

So far I can only think of 2...

1. Post many many pictures of breasts (female's of course) in my blog. (confirm overload my counter)

2. Give stupid, abnoxious, evil comments on Xiaxue's blog and create an instant pool of hate-fans. (also will over load my counter)

Anymore good ideas?

Tuesday Blues

Today is a very "sian" day for me. Think is due to the last minute spanner that my boss throw to me in the morning, causing me a lot of headache in the last minute. Sometimes my boss like to do that. To make us learn new things I guess....

Cannot imagine its only Tuesday and there is still the rest of the week to go through...

Only too glad that today is nearly over and Boss have no comments about my work so far...

One thing good happened though, decided to sms some of my friends to complain about my plight and included Her in the sms as well. So nice to be able to have a conversation with her (via sms) again.

Hope there will be more chances like this again...

Restful Sundays

Finally decide to put my hideous self pic in my profile. This is the 1st picture taken (by FF) with my Canon IXUS 40 camera.

This is another picture taken by my new toy...

This is actually part of a giant birthday card, made of 2 pieces of mahjong paper, which my friends wrote for me for my 22nd birthday. (FF, if you look carefully, you can see your message there also) I think its about time I took this off the wall and put on something new. So I digitized the card (or rather, mahjong paper) in the best possible resolution and store it in my computer instead. (Another New Year resolution!)

Haha! Guojun limps around the house because Guojun is so lame!

Anyway, here's another part of the "card"

Sundays are meant for staying at home and rest. Actually, Sunday is a Christian/ Jew concept. For God made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, but he rested on the seventh day, and so, in the same token, we are to remember this day for rest also. (*MOV) Well, in a nutshell, thats what its all about.

And I thank God for a restful Sunday. Watching morning cartoons, playing the piano and guitar and a nice afternoon nap. Room is still a mess though... Well thats usually how I spent my Sundays, provided I'm not on duty. Once a while I would go out with some friends to catch a movie or something but thats about it. Nothing stressful, nothing about work.

My cute tenant and her sister came back to Singapore today cos school start for them tomorrow. Thank God they were not affected by the Tsunami when they are in Indonesia.

*MOV = My Own Version

New Year's Resolution

1st of all, let me welcome my brother's blog, Cliff's Edge, and Jesslyn into my link!

My friend came over my place for some guitar playing today. Boy was he good! His forte is actually in classical guitar but he can play really nice songs with it. He showed my stuff like Classical Gas and Canon in D which are really cool classical pieces. In turn, I showed him some of my rock routine and riffs but personally, I think he is a much better player than I. Makes me feel almost ashamed of myself. Therefore, New Year's resolution is to practice hard on my guitar (plus violin and piano) and learn to make some sweet melodies (instead of the noise I had been making) with my own two hands.

Watched "Meet the Fockers" with FF today. Was (almost) late again today. Thank God we did not miss the start of the movie like Ocean's Twelve last time. My excuse this time was church ended late (But she refused to listen). Speaking of which, church service was exceptional fully today and the sermon was exceptionally long. Maybe its New Year's Day, or maybe its a post disaster side effect. My other New Year's resoultion is not to be late when meeting FF for movies.

Sorry I digressed. "Meet the Fockers" is a nice movie to catch. Good thing FF has a credit card to book the tickets or else we would have gotten the front row seats and a bad spinal injury at the end of the movie. The movie is funny, sweet and has the whole "moral of the story" thingy. And at the end of the day, everybody finds love in the family and with one another. Makes one feels all warm and Huggy. Nice movie to watch with a pretty girl.

Been having fun with my new Canon IXUS 40 Digital Camera. Will post the pictures up next time.

Happy New Year

My 1st blog of the Year.

2005. The year is not getting any better. There will be more disasters with greater frequency. There will be more wars and rumors of wars. More lives will be lost to both Man-made and Natural tragedies. The Bible describes it as labour pains of a woman giving birth. The Days of Tribulation will get worse and worse...

Happy New Year.

In a way, it is a whole new beginning for 2005. We ended 2004 with a big splash, cutting short many lives, hopes and dreams. Picking up from the remmants of 2004, we all have a vivid reminder of our mortality. For those who did not survived, may God bless their souls. For those who did, 2005 will be a new year of new beginnnings. A second chance in life always warrants a solemn celebration. For the rest of us, it is also a time to reflect on what is really important in our lives for this new year.

For myself, I thank God for His grace in my life and everything I have.