Sunday, October 31, 2004

Thinking of Her

Thinking of her, for me, has very much been a daily affair. Usually it takes place before I go to sleep, or after I just woke up but hasn’t gotten out of bed. Sometimes I think of her on the journey home. All I have to do is to close my eyes...

She is the sweetest thing I have ever laid my eyes on and I will never forget the day I met her.

21 June 2001

The 1st time I saw her was during our church camp. She was wearing the red Love NUS T-shirt. Her innocence and gentleness radiates from her like rays of light radiates from the sun. And she got the sweetest smile in the world, sweeter than a girl's mouth stuffed with sugar. Just thinking about it makes me fall in love with her all over again.

She is a very unique girl, really. I dun think there will ever be a girl with a heart as pure, innocent and gentle as hers. The only thing I can think of with as much gentleness as hers would be a rabbit. In all her actions, the way she moves, the way she speaks, and her innocence flows out like a never-ending stream of river. Although she is not the Fann Wong kind of beautiful, neither is she tall and leggy like a super model, she is pleasant and pretty to look at. And the sight of her takes my breath away. Every time.

A little more than a year ago (18 July 2003 to be exact), I told her I liked her. Well, not actually, but she knew what I meant. And to cut the long story short, she did not feel the same for me, and the last I saw of her was 26 March 2004, 1145pm.

I was heart-broken, to say the least. And the world has never been the same for me since. Fast forward to 6 months later and here I am: Thinking of her before I go to bed.

Since that time, she has smsed me a few times, asking me how I have been and stuff like that. Thinks she felt bad for breaking my heart. I almost never reply her though. I dun know what to say to her. The only thing I want to tell her is that I still think of her everyday. But I dun think that is a very good idea either.

Last night she smsed me again. Commented that she hasn't seen me in church for a long time. Well, its because I dun think I can handle it if I saw her again. But of course I did not tell her that. Every time she smsed, I tried my best not to go on a emotional roller coaster.

But its okay - I'm getting used to it, I think.


Blogger Pushlog said...

I just had a similar crush on a girl in my office. I simply never made a move on her coz i currently working on my holidays and be leaving for Perth in coming January for 2 more yrs. Simply fucked up situation and there's nothing i can do...

Well yea and i still catch myself thinking of her whenever i look at others girls. Sigh.

9:54 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have never tot that guys were that emotional as well...(read: tot only gals were the victims of mood swings and the emotional roller coasters)...such a faithful guy...farni thing was your other blog about the timing of meeting her when you were at CCK...oh my gawd!

10:34 pm  

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