Wednesday, October 27, 2004


I declare this to be S.A.D Day. Sad And Depressing Day.

Today I failed my physical fitness test which is a criteria to go for my parachuting course. Actually I have a lot of excuses.

1. I did not have enough rest
2. I was not prepared enough
3. I was having diarrhea

But at the end of the day, excuses are only excuses and the fact is I failed the test. And ultimately, I have only myself to blame.

After that, a sense of worthlessness looms over me like a dark cloud upon my soul. This feeling is very much similar to what I experience when I cannot pass my 10km running test last year. It lingers sneeringly in my spirit mocking, questioning my very existence. As though my eyes and ears are directly linked, the closing of my eyes intensely amplify the voice of the Devil.

"You are so useless", He says, "so useless you are better off dead"

Jesus said, "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of heaven." But why do I not feel so? The feeling of "Blessed" and the feeling of "poor in spirit" is totally opposite in nature!

This deserve a little more effort in thought to discuss this issue. I am too tired. Will write on it again another day.....


Blogger シャロン said...

Hi friend!

I just want to comment on what you commented in my blog. Jesus said to Simon Peter "If you love me, feed my sheep". The Great Commandment came before the Great Commission. Hence, I abosultely agree that there is nothing wrong with big numbers. The big numbers will follow if we love the Lord and people; not the other way around.

Guess I'm just not good at expressing myself. hee. =)

9:05 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hello! well, jus wanted to let you know that "poor in spirit" (matthew 5:3) is referring to the humble people, in contrast to the spiritually proud and self-sufficient (at least dats what it says in my study bible) (cos i used to be puzzled by wat it meant too)=) anyhow.. hope you're feeling better now, without diarhoea and more cheered up..its the end of the week! =) trust God. it will be ok..
Sze Shan

PS. of course you r not worthless, your worth cannot be measured. just ask Jesus.

5:13 pm  
Blogger FF said...

Awww don't be sad. :( Me sad too. Let's go be depressed and scared out of our wits on Sunday.

11:01 pm  

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