Sunday, October 24, 2004

My Church and I

I have been getting quite a few comments and response from people, even strangers*, who have read my blog. I just want to take this opportunity to thank everybody again for your kind attention.

After I posted my thoughts on the Church a couple of entries ago. I've gotten quite a few feedback, from agreement, empathy and even apologises. I value all the responses but some things are not easily resolved with just mere words.

One particular response echo my own sentiments:

"The church is so big and leaders are so busy one often feels insignificant and lost in the crowd. I wonder where is the fellowship and sincerity? The genuine concern and involvement? Maybe we are all so busy and stressed that our hearts have gone cold."

My ministry, I feel, has become very much numeral oriented, task focus and management based. When I was still attending church, a lot of times I wonder why am I still going there? The House of Holies has become elite honouring, hero-worshipping, Prima Donna biased.

"Look out for No. 1"

Cell members pay tribute to the cell leader with the biggest cell and honour the member who participate in the most activities. People gravitate to pastors with the more to offer. Worshippers flock to the kid with the $4000 dollar guitar. (ok, I'm jealous of the kid - I want that guitar too!)

Yes, the Elitist Culture disgusts me. They are so obsessed with celebrating the victories that they conveniently neglect those that are poor in spirit. People who are disappointed, people who are heart broken, people who are mourning.

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. " - Matthew 5:4

Somehow, that is not really happening in our church. There are so many heart broken people in the church who require a little more love and attention but most of the time, what they receive is a lecture on what is wrong with their lives, complete with a "more pious than thou" attitude. I used to spend most of my time (and $) on those that are meek, rejected and despondent. The last thing they do is to go to their leaders. But the problem is, when I am heart broken, I have no one to turn to.

That brings me to my next point.

The leaders are quick to dispense law and pronounce judgment, but slow is showing grace and mercy. That's why usually people only show their good side. The bad, the dark and the ugly side stays hidden, locked in a corner until it cannot be contained any longer. Until then everything will appear normal, but after that, all hell break loose.

Yeah, I'm talking about myself. Haha

Well, I still do believe in God and I hope to go back to the Community someday. I want to change the culture that states that bigger is better. I want to build an Eden, where the broken-hearted will come for comfort, where the sorrowful will find relieve, where the weary will find rest, where the despairing will find hope.

But now is not the time. Now I am not ready. Now I need to find strength for myself. Now I need to return to the Source for my own revival. Now I need to find my own paradise, my own Shangri La, my own Eden.

Now I am late for my movie.

*strangers = people who are strange


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