Saturday, October 23, 2004

Final Fantasy

I have a alternate reality fantasy world in which I live day to day. Its been in my mind for the longest time I remember, sort of like a childhood fantasy which refuse to die, a form of deliberate hallucination, controlled schizophrenia that hasn't made me crazy yet.

Think Alley Mcbel + A Beautiful Mind.

It took me a long time to realise I am living in this fantasy world. I now know that it is my inability to cope with the real world that this alternate reality came about. I have wrote a bit about how I had a hard time as a child. Actually a lot of it has not gotten better even as I grow up. There are still a lot of issues to resolve. So every time the sorrow and loneliness becomes too hard to bear, I escape into my fantasy world.

This world of mine consist of everything unreal, supernatural and illogical. Often updated with the latest movie I watched, the newest comics I read and whatever I'm watching on TV. In it I am the lord, the king, the hero. In it I do whatever I want. I can be Spiderman, Sun Goku or Zhang Wuji. I fly if I want to, shoot out fire balls at will and dish out all the kung fu moves I saw on TV. In it I always win.

This world is still very much active within me now. And everytime the real thing gets too tough for me (which is still quite often) I run into my own universe. Probably that is why it is some times so hard for people to talk to me.

I have forgotten how to live in the real world.


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