Wednesday, November 16, 2005

The Privilege of Pain

Heehee. Nowadays, its a rarity that I can steal time during mid-week to write a blog. Usually I'm too tired at the end of the day. But I got something that I want to record today.

By and large, I believe today would be what most people would call a "bad" day. I talked about an interview a couple of post back. And the result is out today. Basically, I was told that I flopped the interview BIG TIME.

Was very sad initally, cos I believed I did everything within my power to ensure my success in this interview. But obviously, "everything within my power" is not good enough. I also mention in that post about not making the mark for the airborne selection last week, which adds agony to the fact that I can't seem to do anything decently recently.

So, that was me in the morning. Totally distressed and almost devastated. I was reading some of my friends' blog earlier.. and they were saying how good God was to them and how amazingly blessed they are; how they lost important things and God brought them back; and how they thought they did badly for their papers but still got an A+++ star star.

Basically, they seems to be always so overwhelmingly blessed.

But when I look back at my own thoughts and recordings, I rarely have anything wonderous or even remotely joyful to say. Most of my writings are Lamentations... or some nonsensical rubbish if I'm not feeling down.

But I am reminded today, that this is not my permanent home. That my stay here is temporal, and all my acheivements are but dust in the wind. And so are my pain and suffering. I am reminded, that this is my training ground: Pain and suffering are my best teachers. Someday, I will be like gold and silver, refined by the fire of trials and troubles.

But now, I can only endure. My life is defined more by setbacks than by victories, more heartbreaks than comfort, and more chaos than serenity. But I have learnt to be thankful for them. For these are the things that keep me from become proud, that remind me to stay humble and push me towards my need for God.

I am not sure... what I have done... to earn the privilege to join the ranks (as a recruit, no less) of Job, Jeremiah and (least of all) Jesus, whose lives had been defined by pains, sufferings and heartbrokeness. But I am sure, that one day my trials will be over.

"No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." Hebrews 12:11

2 Comments:

Anonymous trseetoh said...

Wow! I thought this is an excellent post!

10:10 am  
Blogger Guojun said...

Hee! Thanks!

10:39 am  

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