Be the Man! Do The Right Thing!

Updated to change the format a bit, and added in the Chinese characters.

Been a bit drained lately. Not sure if it is the work load, or the constant tension level, or just plain lack of sleep. Right now, I just feel rather burnt out.

I need some time for myself. At times like these, I'd like to be left alone, except for chatting with a few close friends.

Writing on my blog is nice too. I think it has a soothing effect on my spirit, to just sit down and have my thoughts manifest as words and letters in front of me...

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"我只想做个好人" - I just want to be a good guy

My guys are watching 无间道II，"Internal Affairs II" in the same room as me as I am writing this now. I have not actually watched part 2 of the trilogy but I roughly know the story, and also that the line above was pivotal to the plot.

I want to be a good guy too. When I was young, I always thought that I was the good guy. Quiet, studious, obedient type. (at least I think so.. Haha) But as I grow older, I realised more and more, that I am not a good guy. I think I have a "bad" side, who is very capable of very bad things... Anywayz.

Actually, the Chinese "我只想做个好人" can be translated to either "I just want to be a good guy" or "I just want to be a nice guy". A "good" guy is very different from a "nice" guy, I believe. The nice guy does things that other people liked him to do. The good guy does what is right. It took me more than 20 years of my life to realised that, which shows how stupid I am.

Now, this is the difference: The nice guy aims to please people. The good guy aims to please God (or whatever kind of Absolute he believes in.)

I am a "nice" guy, and not really a "good" guy. I know because I always wants to please people as opposed to doing what is right. Pleasing people had always been the motivation of my actions, which is actually self defeating and an impossibility, cos you know that you cannot please everybody all the time.

I think I learnt about this weakness of mine about 3 years ago, when I start my career in the army. Whoever heard of an officer whose primary motivation is to please all his men? And so I had a very difficult 1st year in the force, both with my work and with my boss.

Anyway, I had come a long way from there and I have learn a lot in these couple of years. There is still much to learn in this life, and I thank God that He has always given me the chance, and not condemn me for who I am.