Thursday, January 12, 2006

The Devil prefers the dark

It's been raining and raining and raining non-stop for the past week. The sky is gloomy and the air is cold. Everything seems slightly less cheerful.

But I like it this way. Really. This is a feeling I feel most at home with: Melancholy. It is a feeling that I am most familiar with for most part of my life. Cheerless, lifeless melancholy. Thinking back, I find little memory of cheer in my growing up years. All I remember is that:

to not feel pain, I must not feel anything.

And I had come to accustom my emotion to an atmosphere of gloom. In my teenage years, I like to hide myself in my room, with the doors and all the curtains closed. With little light as possible creeping in, I wallowed in its dark loneliness. In such a world I created for myself, I found comfort and rest, away from the rest of reality.

In those days, my favourite time would be when it is raining. For it is then that no sun rays would try to force itself into my room, and the gloom outside compliments the grey of my room, and ultimately, the darkness in my heart. And there I found comfort and rest, away from the rest of reality.

Those were the days. Gone they have and hopefully they will never come back. Thanks be to God, I have since found sunshine in my heart and a little more cheer in the sky that I see. I still enjoy the wet air of unceasing rain and its dark gloominess nostalgically. But now I also look forward to the sunshine after the rain. For I know that someday, the dream will end, the Rightful King will come and rule, and the rainbow will never disappear.

OK, this post is a little heavy. Think I will stop here.

To little piggy, if you are reading this, just want to let you know that, I'm sure they care a lot for you. But sometimes the way they might not express it the way you need, and you thought that they did not care about you at all, which is not true. I myself was hurt many many times, and even some of the wounds still hurts now. But I know that those people DO care for me and I learn that I need more love and care from others. So I look to God for the love that I need but am not able to get from the people.

Hope this helps and hope to see you smiling again soon. =)


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