Thinking of her again
I cannot stop thinking of her.
It is at or about 3 weeks ago when I finally decided to stop waiting for her. After so many years I finally made up my mind: To give up and move on. 3 weeks later today, I realised I still cannot forget her.
Initially it was not very hard. I had made up my mind to forget and move on. For a while everything was ok. I was able to put aside my feelings. I was able to get on with my life without thinking about her. If you have noticed, I had not blogged very much about her since I came back from Taiwan (except for this time when I did the entry on the kinds of girls I like.) I almost thought I could completely let go and move on.
Then a couple of nights back, (before the "Girls I like" entry) I dreamt of her. I can't remember the exact details of the dream, but I remember that it was a very vivid dream. I dreamt about her - I dreamt about us. Cannot really recall what happened though. But after that night I cannot stop thinking of her again.
I'm inclined to believe that I'm destined to wait for something that will never come to pass. I wait not because I chose to hang on; I wait because I could not let go. Maybe that's God's plan for me: To wait for something that I will never have.
I thought hard for the past few days. Maybe there is really nobody that can really take the place of her in my heart. At least I could not find anybody now... But I really cannot imagine anybody as perfect as her...
Like I said, maybe this is my destiny.
Note: Any I-know-better-than-you-so-you-should-do-this comments are not appreciated and will be deleted immediately.
It is at or about 3 weeks ago when I finally decided to stop waiting for her. After so many years I finally made up my mind: To give up and move on. 3 weeks later today, I realised I still cannot forget her.
Initially it was not very hard. I had made up my mind to forget and move on. For a while everything was ok. I was able to put aside my feelings. I was able to get on with my life without thinking about her. If you have noticed, I had not blogged very much about her since I came back from Taiwan (except for this time when I did the entry on the kinds of girls I like.) I almost thought I could completely let go and move on.
Then a couple of nights back, (before the "Girls I like" entry) I dreamt of her. I can't remember the exact details of the dream, but I remember that it was a very vivid dream. I dreamt about her - I dreamt about us. Cannot really recall what happened though. But after that night I cannot stop thinking of her again.
I'm inclined to believe that I'm destined to wait for something that will never come to pass. I wait not because I chose to hang on; I wait because I could not let go. Maybe that's God's plan for me: To wait for something that I will never have.
I thought hard for the past few days. Maybe there is really nobody that can really take the place of her in my heart. At least I could not find anybody now... But I really cannot imagine anybody as perfect as her...
Like I said, maybe this is my destiny.
Note: Any I-know-better-than-you-so-you-should-do-this comments are not appreciated and will be deleted immediately.
posted by Guojun at 10:57:00 pm
10 Comments:
I'm so sorry for your pain. I guess waiting is all you can do right now. I hope you find a way to peace and joy soon.
Wow, she must have been a very special girl. But who knows? Maybe someone even better is coming your way...
We are all humans. We cannot say, oh I want to forget and we move on, in a split second. Recognise that healing takes time, at least for the most of us. You will find victory though I cannot say when that will come. You will. =)
u know what, u can never forget.
the more you try to forget, the more u will remember. so don't try to forget. cherish the memory and move on. hey, i'll remember u in my prayer. i'll pray that God will bless you with the desire of your heart. k? :)
i won't say anything cos my comment will be deleted.
Mary> Thanks. I hope so too.
Jayaxe> She is. One of a kind.
12MS> I hope so.
Miche> Thanks.
FF> Eh... Ok
hmm.. didnt know u are that type of guy.
let God heal u okie.
I agree with Miche. Cherish the memory and move on. From time to time, I still think of him. The happy times we have, will etched in my memory forever. Don't force too hard on yourself or her. Be happy!
I'm writing this comment with full awareness that it may be deleted, but it's fine as long as you read it.
I don't think you can ever find someone to replace her. In fact, you prob shouldn't have a replacement mentality. You may meet someone else along the way, and she may not be what you want or what you look for, but life has to go on....
I still can't forget a relationship which I cherish dearly. But I have also dated many other guys after that, and they are totally different from that guy. And it isn't all that bad, of course until I dream or think of that guy, and then need another couple of days to recover, before moving on again.
I can only cheer myself with the tune of "The first cut is the deepest."
ah boy ah... dun get 2 distracted okie? make sure u are able to pull yerself 2gether when u handling live ammo or driving hor... can be major if u dun lor boy... yeah, its hard boy... go meet fellow bloggers and go wala wala look-see cute japper playboy lah...
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