Friday, May 06, 2005

Thinking of her again

I cannot stop thinking of her.

It is at or about 3 weeks ago when I finally decided to stop waiting for her. After so many years I finally made up my mind: To give up and move on. 3 weeks later today, I realised I still cannot forget her.

Initially it was not very hard. I had made up my mind to forget and move on. For a while everything was ok. I was able to put aside my feelings. I was able to get on with my life without thinking about her. If you have noticed, I had not blogged very much about her since I came back from Taiwan (except for this time when I did the entry on the kinds of girls I like.) I almost thought I could completely let go and move on.

Then a couple of nights back, (before the "Girls I like" entry) I dreamt of her. I can't remember the exact details of the dream, but I remember that it was a very vivid dream. I dreamt about her - I dreamt about us. Cannot really recall what happened though. But after that night I cannot stop thinking of her again.

I'm inclined to believe that I'm destined to wait for something that will never come to pass. I wait not because I chose to hang on; I wait because I could not let go. Maybe that's God's plan for me: To wait for something that I will never have.

I thought hard for the past few days. Maybe there is really nobody that can really take the place of her in my heart. At least I could not find anybody now... But I really cannot imagine anybody as perfect as her...

Like I said, maybe this is my destiny.

Note: Any I-know-better-than-you-so-you-should-do-this comments are not appreciated and will be deleted immediately.


Blogger Mary said...

I'm so sorry for your pain. I guess waiting is all you can do right now. I hope you find a way to peace and joy soon.

11:51 pm  
Blogger Jayaxe said...

Wow, she must have been a very special girl. But who knows? Maybe someone even better is coming your way...

1:36 am  
Blogger 12mustardseeds said...

We are all humans. We cannot say, oh I want to forget and we move on, in a split second. Recognise that healing takes time, at least for the most of us. You will find victory though I cannot say when that will come. You will. =)

9:39 am  
Anonymous miche said...

u know what, u can never forget.
the more you try to forget, the more u will remember. so don't try to forget. cherish the memory and move on. hey, i'll remember u in my prayer. i'll pray that God will bless you with the desire of your heart. k? :)

9:57 am  
Anonymous FF said...

i won't say anything cos my comment will be deleted.

12:36 pm  
Anonymous Guojun said...

Mary> Thanks. I hope so too.

Jayaxe> She is. One of a kind.

12MS> I hope so.

Miche> Thanks.

FF> Eh... Ok

2:23 pm  
Blogger Gabrielle said...

hmm.. didnt know u are that type of guy.

let God heal u okie.

12:09 pm  
Blogger Dancingpris said...

I agree with Miche. Cherish the memory and move on. From time to time, I still think of him. The happy times we have, will etched in my memory forever. Don't force too hard on yourself or her. Be happy!

11:31 pm  
Blogger Von said...

Hmm...Let's see what you'll be telling us again, like 6 months down the road.

Meanwhile, it's okay to let ourselves be all crazy and wild sometimes.

8:40 am  
Blogger blablabla said...

jia you.

8:02 pm  
Blogger jettykey said...

I'm writing this comment with full awareness that it may be deleted, but it's fine as long as you read it.

I don't think you can ever find someone to replace her. In fact, you prob shouldn't have a replacement mentality. You may meet someone else along the way, and she may not be what you want or what you look for, but life has to go on....

I still can't forget a relationship which I cherish dearly. But I have also dated many other guys after that, and they are totally different from that guy. And it isn't all that bad, of course until I dream or think of that guy, and then need another couple of days to recover, before moving on again.

I can only cheer myself with the tune of "The first cut is the deepest."

2:31 am  
Blogger vandice said...

ah boy ah... dun get 2 distracted okie? make sure u are able to pull yerself 2gether when u handling live ammo or driving hor... can be major if u dun lor boy... yeah, its hard boy... go meet fellow bloggers and go wala wala look-see cute japper playboy lah...

12:34 am  

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